I feel like I'm becoming a robot. That I'm getting too close to the system. Just so you know, I'm just exploiting it to equip myself for life. I have no love for it. I often hate structure- it stifles. I wish it was easier to find success on my own terms. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'm no Zuckerberg. I'm by no means brilliant. I'm just a smidge above average with enough passion and drive to seem dangerous.
I was sitting in my friend's car yesterday. We were driving one of the younger members of our literature club home. She was talking about my first book which she had recently finished. I was sort of detached and wasn't listening to her (I'm sort of sick of hearing about that fucking thing). I turned to her and asked her what she really thought of it- if she had enjoyed it. She said that she cried at the end. Apparently it was meaningful to her.
I hope I can find sufficiency in that. Her emotions were moved by it... that's what matters. Despite uncertainties related to my future career, if I can entertain and move people with my writing, it's worthwhile. I need to open my eyes to the significance of that. I need to find contentment in it. I'll be trying... and if I get published, famous, and rich- that'll be cool too.
Although you are smart, and considered dangerous by some, you might have less disappointment in yourself if you didn't have such a big head. Many writers get rejected by companies up to a hundred times. You have to keep trying. If you think you are that good, then prove it to yourself! And prove it to those publishers who will regret rejecting you after you have become successful.Others believe you can be successful, but they second guess themselves when you brag and boast about your apparent smarts.
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