Once again, I have been hit in the face with the unfortunate reality that life is not Hollywood. I really ought to have learned this by now, but again and again, I emulate characters in movies and TV shows. Maybe it's because I watch so many of them. It really is stupid though. I ought to stop- my expectations in life are probably absolutely ridiculous.
It mostly comes back to life-affirmation. I'll watch some movie that inspires me in some way because a certain character does something that makes him profoundly happy and fulfilled. I then try to copy said character and wonder what I was thinking when shit doesn't pan out.
It's funny though... sometimes things do pan out and they aren't as life-affirming for me as they are for people in the movies. So basically I impulsively chase after experiences that do nothing for me. It's so hard to realize the truly fulfilling things in life. For me they're usually trite and commonplace, random acts of goodness or impulse that hit the spot that needs hitting. Things like buying a friend a drink or CD or something for no reason at all, or helping someone out with a math problem at school, or picking roadkill off the road and burying it (yeah... sometimes I do that).
I think I know why I try to make my life like the movies sometimes though, Abed Nadir really said it best, "I can tell real life from TV, it makes sense, has structure, logic, rules, a likable leading man- in life we have this (unpredictable often contemptible experiences)." There really is something so comforting about escaping the world sometimes, and we often do this through film. Unlike Abed though, I often times don't know when to avoid behaving as if I'm in a movie. Hopefully I'll be able to ground myself better in the future.
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